Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
