Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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