my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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