life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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