Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
