me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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