My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
