at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Someone shattered a urinal.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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