you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You took a bar mat shot.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
