Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
