i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
