that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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