I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
