Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
