End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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