God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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