I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
