i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
