I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
