Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
