im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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