I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
