If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
