if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
