True but thats because hes a fetus.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
