He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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