i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
