I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
