you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
