So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
