Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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