just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
