I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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