After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
