I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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