Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
