porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
