you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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