I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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