It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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