k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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