Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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