Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
