what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
