Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
