I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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