Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
