She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
