Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
