Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
