two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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