Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just tell him i said nine months
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
